I’m proud to share that my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this week! Looking back at our life together, I can see that as a young woman at the age of only 20, I certainly did not know yet who I truly was at the time of our marriage. I went into it blindly, feeling certain that he was the one for me, but also with the intent of changing all of the negative qualities I saw in him. My focus was always on him, and I spent years trying to “fix” him so that I could feel more comfortable and secure. Well, it only took me 20 years to realize that my peace and security had only to do with ME, not HIM; yikes! Through the personal development I’ve done with Intuitive Development, I can now see that we have to love and accept ourselves FIRST.
The people we are closest with are our biggest teachers and typically our most difficult relationships. They act as mirrors for us. So, if we are triggered by the things they say or do, then we can be sure that those negative feelings are present to show us that we have an old wound or pattern that needs to be dealt with. These wounds and negative patterns stem from our childhood. We learn from our parents’ examples how we should treat ourselves and others. As we move forward in life, it is so important to find out who we are as a unique individual. We are our own person with both positive and negative traits that all need to be identified, accepted and appreciated.
So, here are some reminders from some of the courses of how we can practice self-love in order to keep the focus on ourselves instead of blaming and pointing the finger at others as the source of our own distress and lack of fulfillment:
· Pay attention to your feelings. Are you feeling guilty and judging yourself? If so, what is the truth about the situation? Did you make the right choice? If the answer is yes, then stand firm in your decision. If the answer is no, be accountable through a clearing conversation or self-reflection.
· Is someone trying to make you feel guilty? Are they judging you? If so, DETACH! Don’t give them your time and energy trying to convince them to see things your way. If and when they are ready to reconnect and be accountable, then you can re-engage and clear the air.
· Allow any and all of your feelings to come to the surface. Choose to love and accept yourself even when you are feeling badly. You can’t heal if you suppress your feelings. They have to be fully expressed through a conversation, self-reflection or writing/journaling.
· Make time for yourself each and every day even if it’s just for a few minutes. Take time to breath, relax and give yourself a break. It is extremely important to do things for yourself that nourish your soul, mind and body.
· Keep an open mind and always continue to learn and grow. We are constantly evolving, so it is important to explore fresh ideas. I find that it’s very important to keep the new and enlightening concepts I’ve learned (especially from Intuitive Development) in the forefront of my mind so as not to fall back into old negative patterns.
· Don’t go it alone. Reach out for support in your times of need.
· Do what brings you joy. Maybe take a walk, go for a drive, read a book, do a craft, have lunch with a friend, get a massage, go dancing, plan a romantic date, take a trip... Make enjoyment a priority in your life and know that you deserve to have fun and be happy.
· Keep your focus on the positive aspects of your life. Remind yourself of the strength you possess as well as your best qualities and count your blessings. Gratitude is essential to having an abundant life!
Please choose to love and honor yourself and know your worth. When you do this for yourself, you then teach others how to treat you as well. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with YOURSELF. So, the key to having healthy relationships and a fulfilling life is to practice SELF-LOVE!