loss

Loss by Roselle Weinberger

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Loss . . . . . . .

 

Why do people say “I lost my husband?”  He’s not lost.  I know right where he is.  Well, at least I know where his physical body is.  Not too sure about his spirit.  There is great debate on whether or not death is the end of everything. I choose to believe that it isn’t the case.  I believe there is a place from where we came and will ultimately return. 

 

We are all on this earth for a purpose but not all of us choose to complete out task.  Why is that?  My answer would be that we allow our humanity to get in the way.  We forget that there is also a spiritual side.  Do we choose humanity because we think it’s easy?  Do we ignore spirituality because we think it’s hard?  Or is it that our spiritual side doesn’t get the same attention?

 

A year ago this month I walked in the doors of Intuitive Development.  As the saying goes ‘what a difference a year makes.’  OK, I know it’s actually supposed to be a day but I like mine better.  I was a mess to put it bluntly.  My husband had passed a little over four months prior . . . . . . passed not lost.  I was struggling just to get out of bed.  I thought I had no reason left to exist.  There were times when I wished I could die.  ID through their loving support taught me to live again.  Taught me to focus on spirit, mind, and body.

 

Spirit is what was missing.  Somewhere along the line I had forgotten how important my connection to spirit was.  Through ID’s support and their nonjudgmental acceptance, I started to see what I was missing and started once again to become a whole person.  It hasn’t been an easy process.  At times it seemed downright impossible but fortunately for me they didn’t give up on me. 

 

I miss my husband every day but I don’t get stuck in the sadness.  I’ve found a new way to share my love and compassion by volunteering for Hospice of the Valley.  I give respite time to the caregivers.  I was asked why I did this for no pay.  Quite honestly I derive great comfort in knowing that at least, in some small way, I have made a difference in their life.  By helping others I am helped.

 

There is no magic wand, only the desire to live a more conscious life. 

 

Navigating the First Year by Roselle Weinberger

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It’s been nine months since my husband passed.  I’ve experienced his birthday, my birthday, Thanksgiving, our anniversary, and Christmas is almost here.  Each event has brought on different emotions.  How I dealt with each event was different.  Everything in my life is different but in some ways the same.  I have the same love for him and I still feel my connection to him.

 

The challenge came in when well meaning family and friends interjected their thoughts on how they think I am doing.  I suppose it’s because they don’t know what to say or that they think they know what I want to hear. Regardless, I can’t judge them for not knowing how to reach out in a manner not to cause me hurt. On our recent anniversary, I received several messages regarding the day.  They were all issued hopefully out of love and concern but mostly because they felt sorry for me.  I don’t want or need pity.  What I would have rather received perhaps, is just a 'thinking of you', 'is there anything I can do for you today' or 'do you need to talk'?  These options would be much better than, “I know this day must be tough for you” or “You don’t have him but you have so many good memories.”  Even sharing a happy memory with me would have been better choice/message. 

 

The team at ID has been working diligently to prepare me for all the firsts.  I was actually having a good day, having good thoughts, until I was hit with the pity comments.  My mistake was in not responding truthfully, letting them know how the comments made me feel and given them a better option of what to say, so in the future they could avoid making the same comments to someone else.  This was a learning experience for me as well.  Reminding myself to be honest and speak the truth.  

 

Thank goodness for my caring adult children!  No pep talks, pity or unwanted comments, just a simple text asking how I was doing.  Brought the light back into my day.  I was able to let them know I was having a good day and what my plans were.  I was also able to share a sweet anniversary story which brought a smile to my face.  In sharing the memory with them, they were able to learn another special quality their dad had.  They weren’t aware of the romantic side of him.

 

Doing nothing to change my outlook, my way of dealing with the obstacles in my life, would have been so easy.  Change for me before ID was never easy.  I was great at avoiding difficult situations and confrontations.  I’ve learned that you can only avoid so long before whatever you didn’t want to deal with comes back around again. During that time of avoidance I would experience at times physical pain, worry, raw emotion, all of which wouldn’t have occurred if I had dealt with the situation in the first place.  ID has given me tools to work through the difficult times.  It’s amazing how changing the way I process emotions, the way I respond to situations has made such a difference in my life.  I am a totally different person than I was five months ago.  I am no longer an emotional wreck.  Do I still grieve?  Yes, of course, but I don’t let it overwhelm me.  When I feel sad, I think of a happy time and that makes me smile. I focus on the many wonderful years I had my loving husband instead of the few short months we dealt with his illness.  I was allowing the way his life ended to be front and center blocking all the fun loving times.  No more!

 

Taking the classes, using the tools, and then following through has been life changing.  Even though I have completed the classes, I continue to learn, evolve by surrounding myself with like-minded people and holding my truth and not allowing others to bring me down.    My hope is to enlighten others and make their lives better in the process.  Teaching by example and not preaching.

Learning to Live Again by Roselle Weinberger

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Learning to live again…

 

One year ago this month, my husband of over 53 years was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer.  In just a little over three months, he was gone.  Needless to say, those months were a dark time in my life, but that was only the beginning.  I wasn’t prepared to be alone.  I wasn’t aware how co-dependent our relationship was. Looking back, I can see how I lost myself in our relationship, how I depended on him and looked to him for almost everything.  We were totally connected, not requiring anyone else… happy, content, settled.  What was idyllic turned out to be my downfall.  I was so absorbed in our relationship that I totally forgot about me as an individual.  After his passing, I was suddenly lost not knowing what would become of me.  What was I going to do with my life?  What is my life purpose?

 

A friend of mine gave me Lynn’s name and number and said she thought Lynn could help me.  Boy! Was that ever an understatement!  Lynn and her team have brought me out of the darkness and into the light.  Granted, I haven’t always been willing…but through their compassion, understanding and most importantly NO judgment, I have begun to live again.  They have helped to heal my body and soul, teaching me skills to get through the darkness and find myself again.  Memories that used to bring tears now bring smiles.

 

I look forward to my sessions at ID, even though they aren’t always comfortable.  Looking deeply into one’s self is sometimes painful but necessary in order to discover where the problem lies, where the hurt is coming from and how to heal.  Their approach is always honest, caring and direct, which is greatly appreciated.  When I was struggling with whether I wanted to even go on, they were there encouraging but never pushing me to make a decision.  They respected my free will while teaching me to find my way.

 

I will forever be grateful to my friend, Sheron, for telling me about Lynn and ID and thankful to the entire ID team for their guidance and acceptance.  I’m happy to be in such a loving group of people where you can be yourself and help each other be an inspiration to others.